• Mark Mattiussi, Amelia Livermore, Annabel Levido, Therese Starr, Melissa Lassig-Smith, Janine Stuart, Cheryl Fourie, and Joel Dulhunty.
• Royal Brisbane and Women's Hospital, Brisbane, QLD.
• Med. J. Aust. 2020 Dec 1; 213 (11): 521-523.

ObjectivesTo evaluate the circulation lifespan of forks and teaspoons in an institutional tearoom.DesignLongitudinal quality improvement study, based on prospective tracking of marked teaspoons and forks.SettingStaff tearoom in a public teaching and research hospital, Brisbane.ParticipantsTearoom patrons blinded to the purposes of the study.InterventionStainless steel forks and teaspoons (18 each) were marked with red spots and introduced alongside existing cutlery (81 items) in the tearoom.Main Outcome MeasuresTwice weekly count of marked forks and teaspoons for seven weeks; baseline and end of study count of all utensils on day 45.ResultsThe loss of marked teaspoons (six of 18) was greater than that of forks (one of 18) by the conclusion of the study period (P = 0.038). The overall rate of utensil loss was 2.2 per 100 days for teaspoons and spoons, and -2.2 per 100 days for forks and knives.ConclusionsTeaspoon disappearance is a more substantial problem than fork migration in a multidisciplinary staff tearoom, and may reflect different kleptomaniacal or individual appropriation tendencies. If giving cutlery this Christmas, give teaspoons, not forks. The symbolism of fork rebirth or resurrection is appropriate for both Christmas and Easter, and forks are also mighty useful implements for eating cake!© 2020 AMPCo Pty Ltd.

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